Shall start this newsletter by saying: congrats for making it to the end of 2024 alive (I assume you are if you are reading this), and I hope you’re having a good year-end break. (Also, thank you to those who messaged me after reading my previous newsletter to ask if I’m okay (-: I really appreciate that!)

There’s a saying that goes something like this: if you had a very eventful year, it would feel like time is flying day-to-day, yet in hindsight the year would seem very long; if you had an uneventful one, it would feel like time is crawling everyday, yet looking back on that particular year sometime later, you would remember hardly anything about it.

The other day, I thought to myself: it’s been ages since I’ve been in Japan! Only to realise I was in Japan for 3 months, just 7 months ago… 2024 has been thick with activity, yet it has absolutely sped past me. I guess that’s a good thing, and it seems my 2025 calendar isn’t letting up yet.

WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO

ART SG 2025

I’m showing for the first time in ART SG next year, Southeast Asia's leading international art fair. (Art Outreach has very kindly agreed to host my artwork in their booth!) It’s my second time being involved in Singapore Art Week, but the first time was in 2020 so everyone was in lockdown and not many people saw my work. If you are in Singapore then, the fair runs at Marina Bay Sands from 16-18 January 2025.

It’s a fairly large filet crochet piece, with motifs inspired by my readings and talks with people I met in Yogyakarta during my residency. But it’s going to be presented not just as a filet crochet piece, and is my way of encouraging multiple perspectives of the same work. I won’t spoil the surprise (-;

On that same note, I have recently updated my artist statement here (also, finally updated my website domain to reflect my artist name change!). I actually rewrite my statement pretty often, as I move through different art pieces and become more aware of the thread that runs through them. I think this act of writing provides clarity about one’s practice.

WHAT I’M READING

HONEYBEES AND DISTANT THUNDER by RIKU ONDA

After the long lapse in reading, I positively inhaled this book in 2 days. I find that, growing older, non-fiction engages me more. But fiction is the one that can keep me glued to the book till 4am in the morning, wanting to find out what happens next.

This book is about classical music (specifically piano) and the world of competitions, so if you’re into music, you might love (or hate) it. As a layperson, it was quite insightful and inspiring; and I also found a lot of similarities between the music and art world. Of course there is the competition, the rigor, the network; but what interested me was the link between our body, minds, and what we create. First, we have to keep our bodies healthy (or in the case of music, strong, as it is very physical). Then we have to live our lives fully, for our experience to show in the work. In both worlds, why one piece feels better than another is hard to explain, but we will know it when we experience it.

It’s always hard to quote a book that teaches you a lesson very gradually. Some books spit out very good quotes at certain points, and you find people remember only those quotes and not the story. I’m going to share one part of the story I like, where the pianist Kazama Jin speaks with his Ikebana teacher. If you’ve understood my recent destruction works, you might get why this quote resonates with me so much.

Also, for those on Spotify, someone created a playlist for the book, which made the reading experience so much better. I love people who do such community work :-D

RECENT HAPPENINGS

MOVING

Moving is hard. Since I got my first studio space in an attic in the Kampong Gelam district in 2016, I’ve had to gather up all my things into boxes at least 3 more times, the latest move across the Causeway to Melaka, 4 hours drive from Singapore. If you’ve visited any of my spaces, you’d know how much I love to decorate. I really inhabit a place.

Being from a typical middle-class Asian family, my parents were very against me decorating the house, even my own room. How are we going to restore the house when we sell it? is always the question. My mum spent hours and hours painting the tile grout lines white, to keep the house looking ‘new’. You might have even seen Asian homes with sofas covered in plastic. Someone I knew once used her laptop with the protective film still on. There is always a looming sense of a lack of permanence, of ownership. In Singapore, even buying a house (public housing) is a 99-year lease from the government. If you rent, landlords have all sorts of rules, ranging from not being able to drill the walls, to banning you from using the kitchen. So, you’ll never see 3M hooks go out of business here.

After living independently in Tokyo in 2014-15, I found great freedom in expressing myself through my space, and I refused to live with template white walls. I would explode my collection of zines, flyers, dolls, trinkets— mostly from overseas trips— all over. They were not just for aesthetic purposes though; I found a lot of inspiration and could focus a lot better when I had my own space.

I would even go so far as to say, not having a space is detrimental to an artist. Because there’s so much going on in my head, having my past works and explorations displayed around me helps a lot in my thinking process, being able to pick up on stray threads and twist them all together.

The payback for throwing all the things you love into a space comes during cleaning, and of course, moving. Packing is fast if it isn’t your stuff. But, as I personally believe in each object having a spirit, packing makes me really sad. I find myself talking to each object (in my head) as I put them in the sad cardboard boxes. It sounds dramatic but it makes me a bit teary, as I’m so fond of reminiscing.

I’ve already slowed down a lot buying things, but a lot of it comes from the earlier years. I’d never live a minimalist life, but I don’t buy things on a whim anymore. One of the motivations for NOT buying stuff is reminding myself how the object might suffer with me. In tropical Southeast Asia, things like lace, BOOKS, fabric, are vulnerable. You could wrap it with as much plastic as you like and still be faced with mold spots and mildew. I look at the beautiful laces I found in France and told myself, surely you don’t want a lace that has existed in pristine condition since the 40s, to turn yellow in your hands.

But as I grow older, I crave having a space of my own more than anything. A space not just to work, but to live. That truly is a luxury in Singapore, a dream I now know is impossible for me— part of the reason I chose Melaka (Malaysia) to build my space in 2022.

Unfortunately, here we are again, packing my life back into boxes, wondering whether I’d need a particular book or yarn stowed away in an industrial space in Malaysia, when I’m back in Singapore. I had embraced the nomadic life before, but now I’m ready for some kind of permanence.

LAST THOUGHTS

Eternal vs. Eternity

What does an ‘eternal moment’ even mean? How can something be fleeting yet eternal?

This paradox is something I would like to probe in my explorations. I don’t think there is an answer, but perhaps I might gain more perspectives while pursuing this in my art. I wonder if I will get to the stage where my art can tell a story like this; a story that makes you wonder about your life.

The word ‘eternity’, to me, suggests something very different. There is a hardness, a frozen quality to it. The way your tongue rolls at the end of ‘eternal’, makes it feel like something comes after. ‘Eternity’ feels like a full-stop; a prison.

While researching Immortality, I came across some forum threads, and was surprised that a majority of people in the discussion felt immortality was something ALL humans naturally wanted. My artwork also explores this idea of death before rebirth, the duality in life, yet I have never imagined anyone (aside from mythological figures) wanting to live forever. I grew up believing in the afterlife, and reincarnation. And I slowly learnt over the years, that life only has meaning because we know it ends one day.

I did a poll on Instagram, and 84% of responders preferred to remain mortal.

Some of the reasons provided for people wanting immortality is:
1. Fear of Death / unknown / missing out
2. Desire to experience more / do more
3. Being able to slow down and not race against time
4. Love the world / themselves too much

(I was surprised no one mentioned the human desire to be in control)

I think the idea surrounding ‘immortality’ is also different with everyone. Immortal in what physical state? Immortal but able to experience physical pain? Immortal but still having to work everyday? (We would still need some money to survive, and I can’t imagine that necessity nagging me at the back of my mind through eternity.)

Does becoming immortal really extinguish fear of death and the unknown? (I beg to differ.) Immortality also does not mean Groundhog Day; you don’t have an ‘undo’ button. Immortality might feel like you have more chances, but you ultimately still have to live with your mistakes— forever.

Another response was having the chance to try different occupations and lead a different life, without the responsibilities of this life. But having infinite time doesn’t mean you can definitely become good at something. Personally, I believe it is down to personality; even if someone has an infinite amount of time, it does not mean they have the resolve for certain occupations. It might even backfire: since one has unlimited time, one can do it anytime instead of now— postponement. Someone pointed out that they have only just scraped the surface of their craft— something I feel a lot too, these days— and immortality could help us chip away at the layers slowly. Now that, I can understand.

Point 3. is the most interesting to me, because that’s what I do wish for a lot— more time (never 'unlimited’ though). Does immortality really mean you will slow down? As someone so greedy for experiences, I know it would be hard for me. If I want to try skiing now, I can’t wait for the snow next year. If I want to see wild animals in their natural habitat, they aren’t going to hang around in the climate crisis waiting for me. Time might have ‘stopped’ for you, but it hasn’t for anything or anyone else. I can’t imagine an existence like this being fulfilling, unless I have acknowledged and accepted that I am fully alone in the world, for only kindred spirits can be of true company.

I feel that the ‘heaviest’ part of a human is our memories. Even if our bodies are frozen in an evergreen state, the weight of memories (and regrets) might become too much to bear. I don’t want to carry a few hundred years around in my head.

What a strange note to end the last newsletter of 2024 on, but I hope it is something interesting for everyone to think about. Do comment if you would like to share your thoughts about Immortality.

A Happy 2025 ahead for all of you (-: